Coronavirus Lockdown Spanish Edition - Day 49 - Emotional triggers

You know that expression, the straw that broke the camel's back? It seems quite accurate at times... especially emotionally. When you're already functioning at a high level of stress, anxiety, emotional distress, just holding it in daily, from time to time you allow yourself to forget that things aren't great with you (or you manage to fool yourself along with everyone else). But then the proverbial straw appears and triggers an overwhelming emotional response, completely disproportionate to the straw itself.

That's me today. 

Yesterday they finally announced the rules for going out starting tomorrow (walks, exercise) with the beginning of the desescalation, and at first it was just laughing about it with friends and colleagues over social media channels during the press conference ("did anyone understand that?" "I need some kind of infographic to clarify this!" etc.) because the whole thing was pretty confusing. We can go out for exercise anywhere in the city limits so long as don't drive or use public transportation (so you can go as far as your feet or bike can take you) but you have to go alone and respect social distancing, but in the same time frame you can go out for a walk with one other person who lives in the same home but then it's a maximum of 1km away from your house. But if my form of exercise is walking (e.g. hiking), does that mean if I go for a walk alone I can call it a workout and then not be limited by the 1km? And so on, and so forth. Then there's the whole "time distribution" of it all. Those instructions are for people between the ages of 14-69, and we can go out from 6-10am and 8-11pm. Then there is a "reserved" time for people over 70 (either alone or with a caretaker), so the "at risk" population. Same limitations as the previous group, but from 10am-12pm and then 7-8pm. And finally children, same instructions as from last Sunday (max 3 kids from the same home with 1 adult, 1h, 1km from home), but with a new schedule: 12pm-7pm.

How about a helpful infographic? (one of the many that have been circulating)

So yesterday was all shits and giggles. Today was the wake-up, while thinking about finally going for a walk tomorrow to the sea... First of all, no clear information from local Alicante channels about whether my bit of the coast (the Cape area, a natural park) was accessible or off limits like the city beaches. Decided I'd just have to risk, it. But then I started thinking about that schedule, and how it really SUCKS for those of us in the 14-69 group who aren't athletes. 😠 Because that's a schedule for people who do running/cycling etc on a regular basis. They tend to go when they get up in the morning or in the evening. But your average Joe doesn't want to wake up earlier than usual to go for a walk. And your average Jane by 8pm is wrapping up the day, preparing dinner, having a bath, hanging out with friends (online), relaxing. Especially ME! I HATE getting up early, one of the best things about working from home has been getting up at 8h30 to start work at 9am! And on weekends I get up around 9 and enjoy a nice leisurely breakfast. And that evening schedule? 2h earlier would have been perfect! I was really looking forward to wrapping up my work day at 6pm and heading out for a walk along the coast for a few hours. By 8-9pm I'm already winding down for the evening, relaxing... Have zero intention of putting on street clothes and heading out. 

As you can see I've been ranting about this for a while. And I can't really commiserate with anyone because most of my friends and colleagues are either athletes (so happy with the schedule), or morning people (so no problem for heading out at 7am) or have kids so they've got an additional time slot they can go out! Intellectually I know it's no big deal, I can get up a bit earlier on the weekend and at least go out for a 90' walk and have breakfast after, I can shake myself up and head out at 8pm, but I was just so looking forward to the freedom of going out that this just annoyed me to no end. And that was all the trigger I needed for everything else to pop back up to the surface. The frustration and sadness over this whole corona-situation. Worrying about family, friends, frustrated about travel restrictions for the foreseeable future. The eternal worry about the job security. The fact that my dad isn't here anymore... I have spent easily half the day curled up in a ball on my bed. Tried shaking it off with a book, a movie. No distractions seem to be working today. Will just have to wait. 

Today sucked. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I get to see the sea.

#stayhome, #quedateencasa, #restecheztoi