16 Mar 2010

Escalation in security threats around the world.

My dad received this from an American friend in Panama (who in turn got it from a friend in India... ain't e-mail grand?)... he called it an "interesting examination of stereotype ethnic and historical images", and I just had to share it!

Warning: DO NOT under any circumstances read this while consuming liquids. There is a high risk of aforementioned liquids spouting out through your nostrils! Consider yourselves warned. ;o)

In the  light of the recent attempt to bring down a commercial aircraft by terrorists the English have raised their security level from  "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists  have  been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level  from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front  line of the British army for the  last 300 years. 

The  French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert...

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more  levels remain: "Ineffective  Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The  Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so  the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies... just in case.

And in the southern  hemisphere... 

New Zealand has also raised  its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!'', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled!"  So far no  situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

the end!

PS: I hope you laughed as much as I did! does the body good! ;o) (in my case it brought on a BAAAAA laugh attack, re-ignited for several minutes each time I thought of the barbie being cancelled! :p Major catastrophe that one!!!

PPS: I have friends from and have been to all of these countries so I really get a kick out of this playing on stereotypes (most of which have at least a kernel of truth)... but I hope it hasn't upset anyone susceptibilities! My favourites are the Kiwi and Ozzies, anyone else up for a lamb barbie? :p


  1. Awesome :-D
    I'll have to send the link to your post to many people in Liège (you probably know anyway)

  2. Crikey! That made me laugh so hard I cried....

  3. I wonder what the Canadians would do, eh? And I wish I were not an American sometimes. Thanks for the laughs, even if some of these made me blush.

  4. now there's an interesting question DJan! any Canadians around here care to answer? Dive Girl? ;o)

    What other missing countries could we write witty paragraphs for? :p

  5. THANK YOU! (for the warning.....smiles) you have saved my keyboard!

  6. Anonymous17/3/10 21:14

    As a Scottish born, Scottish person from Scotland I WILL KICK YOUR ARSE!

    Canadians would invite everyone round for drinks and a hog roast and then let them sleep in their beds, eh?


Hey there! Yes you! The quiet one in the back... I'd love it if you hung out for a bit and shared your thoughts!

I might stop by your place with an answer, but I'm more likely to reply right here so click on "email follow up comments" if you'd like to see what I and others have to say and come continue the conversation! ;o)